i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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