Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
