this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How's work?
Spinning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
