one two three fourrrrnication!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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