He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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