would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
