I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
