Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
