I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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