I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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