I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
