at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
