Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Someone came in the potted fern
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
