I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There was a lot of him and a little penis
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
