im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
