K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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