if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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