i think my tv is drunk
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
