No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
