I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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