My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
