Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
