maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
