BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
