Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
