I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize