Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
