We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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