Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I deserve this hangover.
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