So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
