she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
