PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
