if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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