Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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