what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
