he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
