who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my shit smells like andre
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
