hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
