I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
