We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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