Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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