i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
