The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
