its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
