I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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