I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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