my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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