possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize