Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
