So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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