all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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