so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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