apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
