It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
