Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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