Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize