She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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