I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
