I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
