I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
