I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
