Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
