im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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