I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
