Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
