just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you never un-have a 4some
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
