I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
