dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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